


To Be Tamed

by akwardcadabra



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Affection, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-06-07 20:44:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6823417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akwardcadabra/pseuds/akwardcadabra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simply things happening after Bucky got home to the Avengers tower.<br/>Inspired by quotes from the book "The Little Prince". (And maybe one or two that aren't from the book, but from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, who wrote "The Little Prince".)<br/>It is placed after "Civil War", but there won't be spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Caterpillars and Butterflies

**“Well, I must endure the presence of a few caterpillars if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies.”**   
**― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince**

\---

“I’m sorry Steve! Don’t leave! Please!” Bucky calls after Steve, but the blond has already left for his room.

Pepper sighs “Come on Bucky. You should get ready to see the therapist.”  
“Lea Haas…” he mumbles, more to himself.  
“Excuse me? Did you say something?”  
“She has a name…”  
“Yes, sorry. Dr. Haas. Come on, get ready.” She smiles “Steve is just a little stressed out and confused.”  
Bucky only nods his head and goes upstairs.

“What is wrong with the tin man?” Tony asks, leaning against the door frame of the kitchen.  
“Tony, he is upset. He and Steve had an argument I think…”  
“Sorry. Should I talk to Steve?”  
“No, leave it alone.”

\---

Playing children, laughing couple, smiling people. All that passes the window, while Bucky looks out of the car, as Pepper drives him to the therapist.

He could have had that. A family, happiness. But now he is cold and he wants to be warmer and more nurturing. He wants Steve to hold him, but he can’t.

Every time Steve hugs him, he feels captured, not able to get out, under pressure. He never intended to hurt his friends feelings. He just couldn’t stand that much physical contact. He had hoped Steve would understand.

“Hey, Bucky.” Pepper smiles.  
“Mhh?” the brunet looks at her, taking in her features.  
Pepper is like an angel. She is always patient, even when things went wrong, she would be thinking logical and wouldn’t loose her nerves. Pepper understands that Bucky would not want physical contact most of the time and that he feels captured and horrible, when someone holds him. She always smiles. She drives him to the sessions and she is always patient with him. No matter what happens.

And the way she looks at him from time to time, while lights shines into the car over her hair, making it glow in the light, creating a halo, she looks like an angle, too.

“What happened with you and Steve?”  
“I-“ Bucky starts “We… sat on the couch and his hand was on the couch… and I… I wanted to hold it… know that he was there… but…” he swallows “He hugged me and I tried to get away and then I pushed him away and he got angry…”  
“I see. You see, Bucky. He just got you back. HE missed you. He worried for you. And now he’s got you back and you are being very distant… I understand why! But you need to make him understand as well.”  
“Yes…? Do you think, he will understand?”  
“He will, for sure. Now please lighten up. Only a little. For me?”  
Bucky nods, but doesn’t smile.

Honestly, Pepper must have given up on trying to make him smile. She tries very often, so do Tony and Wanda and Steve and basically everyone.  
But he can’t. It just doesn’t feel right. Why should someone like him deserve happiness? Or joy?

\---

When Bucky and Pepper arrive at home, they smell dinner. Apparently Wanda had made some kind of soup.  
Bucky looks around the room and sees Tony.  
“Hey, Tin man.” He grins.  
Bucky gives an amused huff and Tony smiles proudly, that he amused the brunet.  
“Hungry?”  
“Kind of…”  
“Dinner’s ready in ten minutes.”  
“I’m going to change into something more comfortable. Alright?”  
“Of course.” Tony nods “See you at dinner?”  
“Yes…”

Bucky cautiously walks up the stairs.  
Once he enters his and Steve’s shared room, he sees the blond sitting on his bed.  
“Hey, Bucky. Listen-“  
“No, you listen.” He sits down on Steve’s bed, next to the blond.  
“I want to touch you. But only hold your hand or have your hand on my shoulder. Just feel you there. But if you hold me…” he starts to drift off and rambles “I feel captivated and I feel unsafe and I know I should feel save, because you are my best friend in the world, but I just feel captured and like I can’t get away and I start to panic and look around frantically and once I even caught myself thinking about grabbing the lamp and hitting you so you’d let me go and I know I could just ask, but-“ 

He stops and looks at Steve, scared “I thought about hitting you! With a lamp! Steve I thought about hurting you! They should just lock me up! I’m a danger to others and myself! Why do you even trust me, I-”

“Bucky!” Steve yells “Listen, please just listen and don’t interrupt.”  
Bucky nods and looks at the blond, who takes his hands “Is this okay?”  
Bucky nods again.  
“Alright. Now listen, Buck. You are my best friend. I love you. I would never hold you against your will. You need to say ‘Let me go’ and I will. We could also come up with a safe word. Pepper told me Lea told you about the usage of a safe word for situations where it just gets too much. You only need to yell –for example- ‘Apples’ and I will know. Would that be an idea?”  
“Yes… I guess… Lea sounded really sure about it and she helped me before. And the other therapist I see for my nightmares… Adam… he helped me, too. And Lea said Adam would talk to me about it on Friday, when I see him… And if it helped…”

“See, so we should use it, then. How about we use ‘Brooklyn’ as a safe word? We used to live there and even though it was an old and worn down, we felt safe there. You remember that right?”  
“Yes. We cuddled in the winter to keep warm…” Bucky gives a little smile.  
“It is so nice to see you smiling. But keep listening, alright?”  
“Yes… I guess…” Bucky murmurs.  
“Well, I trust you, Bucky. It doesn’t matter what you- what happened. I would still trust you with me life. I’d hang down a skyscraper with the only thing holding me up being your arm.” He laughs a little “Even though I don’t know how I’d get into that situation, but it could happen to us.”  
“Yes.” Bucky chuckles a little “You being as reckless as back when we were kids. You still can’t run away from a fight, can you?”

“You… remember?”  
“The countless times I saved you from getting murdered by some guy in a back alley? Yes, I do.” Bucky feels the corners of his mouth pull up.

He loves to remember. It makes Steve very happy and when Steve is happy, Bucky is happy. He wants to make Steve proud of him. It is weird. But he just needs to know that Steve feels proud of him. It is alright, he thinks. He is his best friend after all.

“That’s great to hear.” Steve smiles.  
“Can… can we…-“  
“What is it, Bucky?”  
“Hold hands…?”  
“Okay, Buck. Of course we can.” Steve takes hold of Bucky’s hand “Like this?”  
“No…” Bucky mutters and intertwines their fingers. “Like that.”  
“Alright, Bucky. Like that, then.”

And so they sit there for hours on end, just holding hands. Occasionally talking about the most random things, like the weather or a TV show.  
Until Bucky feels save enough to slowly lower his head onto Steve’s shoulder.  
Steve smiles and Bucky does, too.   
It is only Steve, who would ever make him feel safe enough to let his guard down.


	2. Of Tears And Holding Hands

**“It is such a mysterious place, the land of tears.”**   
**― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince**

\---

„Let’s get going, Bucky.“ Steve smiles and opens the door.   
They will be going to the park today. Bucky doesn’t get to get outside of the Tower often, so Steve decided to take him to the park.

Steve picks up the basket with the food in it into his left hand. With the other one, he grabs Bucky’s left hand.

As they walk to the door, Bucky feels tears in his eyes. They start to roll out of his eyes and fell from his chin.  
Steve can’t see him cry. He will get worried. Bucky doesn’t want Steve to get worried or sad. 

Thus he tries to stop his tears and rubs the back of his hand through his eyes, while looking down upon the floor.

Steve is about to press the button to call the elevator, but then he hears Bucky cry.  
A soft little sob makes it’s way to Steve’s ear and he turns.

Bucky is crying, tears running down his cheeks.  
“Bucky, why are you crying? Are you alright? Are you in pain? Does your shoulder hurt? I can help you.”  
Now Steve is worried. That is, what Bucky wanted to avoid.

Bucky can’t say anything. He could only glance down to their intertwined hands and then look away, again, still sobbing.  
“Oh…” Steve says, apparently understanding.

The next thing he does, is not saying anything, but he just turns and puts everything down. Then he puts an arm around Bucky’s waist and pulls him close to his chest.

Bucky buries his face at Steve’s shoulder “’M sorry.” He mumbles.  
“For what?”  
“I ruined it… The walk…”   
“No. You didn’t. You just delayed it. I mean the news said, it’ll rain around 12 am, anyways. So we can just wait and cuddle. Would you like that?”  
“Yes. Very much.” Bucky smiles.  
“Don’t cry, anymore. Alright?” Steve smiles.  
“Okay. If you put an arm around me.” Bucky mumbles “I just… am not that costumed to touch anymore… But I love it, when you hold me.”  
“Then I will.” Steve smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so short. I'm so sorry. I just saw a comic, where Bucky cries when he is holding Steve's hand and I remembered a quote and then I was like "Hey, I should write a little interlude."
> 
> The next one will be longer. It'll be about a funeral.


End file.
